“Dear Parent, I am so sorry you are receiving this letter. I wish the loss of our child was not something we had in common,” wrote Kerri McGrath, MD, and her husband, Brendan McGrath, in a letter to bereaved parents. The McGraths lost their son, Colin, just before his third birthday, when an out-of-control vehicle struck him on the sidewalk near their home in South Boston.
Kerri is a primary care physician at Massachusetts General Hospital, and in the wake of the family’s devastating loss, she and Brendan established Colin’s Joy Project, a non-profit organization named after their son that is dedicated to enhancing play spaces and sponsoring children and family programming in the community. To date, the organization has granted nearly $1.5 million to projects in the Boston area.
“Colin was such a busy little boy — unless he was reading a book! He was smart, creative, silly and always laughing,” Kerri says. “One of the hardest things after the accident was how quiet our house became without his squeals of joy. We wanted to honor his spirit, and we did so by creating a charitable organization in his name.”
“I remember thinking we would never smile again, but we have. It’s possible to find happiness again.”
One initiative Colin’s Joy Project supports is the Pediatric Bereavement Program at Mass General for Children (MGfC), which provides long-term guidance, support and resources to families who experience the death of a child. When the Pediatric Bereavement Program team first learns of a bereaved family, it sends a personalized care package to them containing resources, such as books and journals. Among the items is the letter from the McGraths.
“The letter is perhaps the most meaningful thing we can give families who have lost a child,” says Mary Barber Bussiere, MSW, LICSW, PMH-C, pediatric bereavement coordinator at MGfC. “It’s written from one bereaved family to another, who fully understand the magnitude of the grief.”
“When Colin died, words like ‘gut-wrenching’ and ‘heartbroken’ took on a new meaning because our stomachs, our hearts, our entire bodies physically hurt. It was so uncomfortable to live that way,” says Kerri. “I remember thinking we would never smile again, but we have. It’s possible to find happiness again.”
Supporting Parents Through Their New Normal
The Pediatric Bereavement Program, which is also generously supported by The Parmenter Foundation, is comprised of an interdisciplinary team that is dedicated to supporting bereaved parents long after the initial wave of community support wanes in the months and years after their loss.
“Grief is a unique process for everyone, and it feels different over time,” says Mary. “The loss will never go away, but through the program, we try to help families learn to live alongside it. We will never change what happened to these families, but we can say, ‘I see you — I hear you — we’re here for you, and we will help however you need.’”
Clinicians check in with families on the oftentimes-painful milestones after a child’s death, such as birthdays, anniversaries and holidays. They connect families to resources personalized to them and the nature of the child’s illness or death. Clinicians help bereaved parents integrate back into their jobs and communities when they feel ready, and the team identifies additional supports, such as mental healthcare, if needed. The program also offers support groups to connect bereaved parents, filling a gap in the community.
“After Colin’s death, we noticed there were many groups for people who lost a loved one, but none specifically for parents,” says Kerri. “It’s a different kind of grieving when you lose a child. Being with others in the same situation is comforting — there is shared language — so this resource is a tremendous asset.”
Smiling Again by Helping Others
Colin’s Joy Project raises funds through direct donations and by team participation in the Boston Marathon® each year. They champion the Pediatric Bereavement Program by funding its support groups. Colin’s Joy also helps fulfill the program’s Amazon Wish List, which supplies the items for the care packages sent to bereaved families. They do this by promoting an online fundraising drive from Mother’s Day to Father’s Day, marking the holidays in a unique way.
“I knew I could sit and be sad that Colin’s gone, or I could channel my mom energy and do something positive in his name,” Kerri says. “Supporting the Pediatric Bereavement Program is important to us. This group shepherds parents through the worst time in their lives. Through their various resources, they help parents know pain will not always be the dominant feeling they experience in a day. I can positively say, joy does come back into your life.”
To learn more about the Pediatric Bereavement Program at Mass General for Children, or to make a gift, contact us.
